Werewolves of Wall Street

"The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it." - Jordan Belford

Last night I went to my local movie theatre to see Wolf of Wall Street thinking it was called Werewolves of Wall Street… Despite my disappointment, I was pleasantly surprised.

The Zevon is strong in this one

Short Hand:

Its a drug fulled true story about a stock broker, set in the late 80s to mid 90s, who made a sh!t ton of money illegally.

This movie seemed like the evil twin to the other Leo film out, The Great Gatsby. A twisted tale about the American Dream. A man who reinvents himself for love. But unlike Jay, who does it for the love of a woman, this 'Jimmy Gatz' does it all for the love of money. Lots-n-lots-o-munayyyy. 

(Funny, they both have mansion in Long Island and like to make toasts. Its almost like their the same guy *sound of crickets*)

*Takes deep breath* Were talking so much money, he he wipes his ass with $100 bills after he does four lines of coke of a Blue Chip Hookers A$$, that he paid an FBI agent's salary so he could raw dog her, on his 179 foot yacht as two more ladies of the night fondle his 'buck fifthy' and call him Wolfy. In the background you can hear the sound of his hundred dollar bills stacking up. Its crazy stupid how much money he spends.

In the words of Captain Li Shang,

Here are the Pros and Cons

Pros 'n' Cons:

Pros:

• Entertaining -

This movie is like cocaine crazed bald eagles flying around with laser shotguns spreading democracy to big chested coeds in foreign countries, add a few pounds of bacon, barrels of beer, and a universe of drugs. Thats how fun this movie can be, when its rolling (Well hit on that again later in the show, news at 11) It starts off running and keeps an pretty good pace for a druggie alcoholic with bouts of blacking out and frequent visits to his doctor for STDs. Leo tosses midgets, gets road head, and blows coke out of a hooker's brown eye within the first 72 seconds of the film. This is a fun movie and definitely will entertain.

• Funny, in a smart demented way -

                                 

Its humor is akin to Californication's brand of characters put into ridiculous situations and even crazier results. I don't want to go into any more detail cause I don't want to give away funny scenes. Just trust me, you'll laugh.

• Leo -                        

Oh, Leo Leo Leo. What more could we simple peons ask from the greatness that is you? Not much, but you take this movie by the pig tails and *thrusts pelvis repetitively* Make. It. His.

Pretty boy is spot on in this drunken roller coaster of a film. He makes you disgust him and envy him at the same time. He sells himself well as a pompus pr!ck with a devil may care attitude.

Girls will want him, men will want to be him.

Are you not entertained?

• Supporting cast
  
  
  
  Jonah Hill. Ive never really bought into this guy before. Moneyball made me consider him ok, but this movie solidified him as a good actor in my book. He plays the part of the short quirky guy with thick horned rimmed glasses, big smile showing his pearly whites, and a trail of burnt bridges bridges behind him very well. He gets sucked up on a regular basis and doesn't think twice about it. Nice job Jonah, that'll do pig, that'll do.
  
  
  
  Margot Robbie. Yes please. She is the lead female character in this film, and she does with cherries on top. She's a good looking Aussie who pulls a Bronx accent out of her kangaroo pouch. She alone could make me stay and watch the film. She's dat pweeeeettyyyy.
  
  

  Then theres Matthew Mc-Cona-heeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy. For the few scenes he's in this puppy, he just works his magic and lets the show go on.

The rest of the cast did their job alright, but didn't really get developed to the point of the main trio. Yeah you'll see many familiar faces, they do well, but they don't get the full monnty. Yet its really not about anyone else but Leo. I mean… come on… he's the dude.

• Martin and his lovely music 

The atmosphere is palpable, albeit ridiculous. The soundtrack is soothing and nice, then gets bumping like a billion dollar Mack Daddy. From party scenes to dialogues, it conjures up a nostalgic feeling of, 'Hey, I know that song. I remember when that came out. I was in *insert personal experience here*. Man, this movie is so relatable.' Theres a song and scene for everybody. Martin is a master of his art and knows what he's doing. This movie will make some serious dough.

• Girls Girls Girls - 

                     

You can't talk about girls without some proper music. *Tips hat to Tommy n the Crue* There are more tits and a$$ in this movie than God knows what to do with. 

Margot Robbie… Sweet sweet nectar….

Hellloooooo Nurse

Then theres the endless droves of pointless pussy and blah blah blah full frontal nudity blah blah blah you get the idea.

Cons:

• Pacing 

Not so fast mister fancy pants

Don't get me wrong. When this movie is up and rolling, its crusin along the water like a golden speed boat. But for those few brief moments of refueling the damn thing, its evident you're not moving anywhere fast. Seldom do you hit those rough spots, but when you do you're just like, 'Damnit Ronnie, why didn't I buy more gas tanks!'

• As long as the Godfather -

There were only two Godfathers. Period.

… Its 179 minutes long. React accordingly… Not a major let down, but they could have shaved off a few minutes… or 30...

THE FINAL COUNT:

SIX PROS

Legion of BOOM !

V.S.

TWO CONS

Two cons… get it?

THE VERDICT: 

Yes. Looks like this one is well worth the watch, just be ready to sit in your seat for a couple hours and wishing you were taking part of the festivities. Wonder what it would have been like if it was called Werewolves of Wall Street… hmmm…

Oh well, a man can only dream.

-Written, but not read-